Nicole recently did an interview with Jess Cagle for PEN network. To watch the entire interview go here.

After more than a decade of supporting her husband, Keith Urban, in his sobriety, Nicole Kidman is sharing what she’s learned “as the wife of somebody who’s been through” a struggle with addiction.

Speaking on The Jess Cagle Interview, Kidman told PEOPLE and Entertainment Weekly‘s editorial director that she would advise the loved ones of an addict “to get help. To put your hand up, to reach out. There is absolutely help out there. You can’t save somebody, they’ve got to save themselves.”

That lesson, she explains, “Is a very big thing for people like me who go, ‘I can take care of you. I can do it.’ ” Instead of trying to do all the work herself, Kidman realized, “At some point, you just have to say, ‘I love you and I’m here when you decide to do the work. If you don’t, then that’s it.’ “

Urban, who has been open about having battled addiction starting early in his career in the 1990s, checked himself into the Betty Ford Center in Palm Springs for a recurring problem with alcohol abuse in 2007 — just four months after he and Kidman tied the knot.

“Nicole listened to her heart and did what she felt was the right thing to do,” Urban told PEOPLE in 2007. “To see that kind of love in action, that’s very moving and deeply inspiring and just makes me want to be a better man.”

The Lion actress stood by her husband’s side every step of the way. “It’s not easy, but there’s an extraordinary life if you do get there through help,” she says.